independence / walk away

i've tried so hard so please you
and only fallen further behind from the stress
the lifetime of being told i'm smart
and knowing i'm even smarter than you can imagine
(oh yes i've got a big head should come as no surprise)
people telling me i've such potential
and all i think is they want me to follow their dreams

i cant
i wont

no i'm not ungrateful
how my father prayed at my bedside that i'd live
how my pain is my mother's

how i wish for them and for my brothers and others
but now i hafta wish for myself

cuz thirty-one is a pretty decent number
and yes death will catch me when i let go of my youthful bravado

but for now hold on
i must forge my own path now til infinity