Friday, December 29, 2006

cant sleeeep

arrrgh cant sleeep man cant
should i lissen to dumas or joseph nxt?
arthur it is

i gots nothin to do tomororow
so nothin its like noooo-thang

nothin to do but be alive
smile share laugh eat drink
keep each other warm yeah

a sure bet is my hands gettin cold out there
it finally feels like winter its finally white

i still don know if i can get my head around christ
like, god comin down in man form flesh n bone
its nice but i dunno, his only son flesh n bone

thats quite hard man
hard like love
thats why i guess its not meant to be easy
its hard like death n love n sex the way it should be

life aint easy why should god be right?

i dunno tho still cant believe it quite
literal not, fer shur

but joseph makesme wanna believe
yes i do i wanna
i wanna be one i wanna be love

peace out world

[originally posted at 3:22 a.m.]

it wuz a good night

whutta rush when u do it rite when it up cums together
u spend hrs craftin brunin the midnite lamp
u do
not braggin not romancin it just is the way

and so u work it work it work it babe
gimme gimme gimme fall flat on yer ass pick it up again

(u remember this blog back when "i screwed the pooch.... he is gonna get put back together again, better than ever"?)
even when i suk i believe man

an then u connect, it flows it feels goooood and relax
and they explode their mouths open eating up yer words
fukin right, Mick said it best it really is like a communal cum
laughter is so good fer the soul
i'm glad to give it
an i'm hooked on the drug, i cant quit anytime soon
dont know when ever will

tomorrow i got a hot date lined up
renewing my brit passport (cuz i gotta get back to spain already)
& i'm sending my poems to maisonneuve mag
(sat dumas concert, sun new years bro!)

it just keeps goin up from here baby up up up
even when i fall again i ll keep movin up
an if yer smart you'll cum by an catch part o the ride

that's it i'm finally gonna tryto sleeep

[originally posted at 2:42]
"Sometimes an orgasm is better than being on stage. Sometimes being on stage is better than an orgasm." -Mick Jagger

np: Dumas - Ferme La Radio
reste encore quelques heures / .... ferme la radio, brule les journaux / reste contre moi / porte-moi a ton étoile / garde les rideaux fermer / mon amour sur l'oreiller.....

My Absolute Comedy debut in Ottawa

I got back to Mtl a few hrs ago, tired now, so just read about it here or there, if you're interested in how it went.

In a word though, rockin'!


p.s. sorry, I don't usually kiss & tell, but it was kinda special.

n.p: nothing, but in my head, Joseph Arthur of course - I think uh, "Innocent World", yep. "dont run away, dont runaway, donrunaway now-ahow....'

p.p.s. The new Bond movie is the best in decades, at least Octopussy, perhaps since Connery, no shit.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I did spoken word (& ramble about being 30-something)

Last night [well, Sunday night] at the indyish Holla Days party, I performed my poetry in public, for I think the first time ever.
I mean, I may have read my stuff to large-ish (dozen?) people in bars before, spontaneously just on the floor (without a mic), back my crazier ballsier, but certainly less wise early 20s. As I think I've mentioned here before, I only started writing poems again the last few weeks after writing next to none the last, geez, 7 or 8 years.

Btw, its good being 31. Its like, the ballsiness is back, with more depth and intent. I was talking about this with a new friend last night, how people seem to round a corner around ages 26-28. They become calmer, carry themselves with more confidence. Its like you realize life is long after all and it doesn't have to be all NOW! and you decide what's really worth spending time on, and drop the fake "one of the boys/girls" shit. Not that I ever was so much, trust me (or ask my old friends), but still who doesn't follow at times?

Even Bowie did synth-pop, the Stones did disco, and the Beatles tried early heavy metal, fer cryin out loud (ok, though again, Beatles were at least at same time -ok, so they didn't really follow -no wait! they followed the Maharishi! And he hit on their women friends (why they left), the giggling little perv. So there, Beatles followed false paths too. But I digress... Beatles are still fargin' genius!)

I dunno, this could be the same old "18yr olds were just kids when I was 22; 22 yr olds know shit when I was 27", but I really don't think so. I really believe in the quarter-life crisis; I'm not the only one its happened to.

You feel low, really low at 26-27, like shit I'm too old for these little girls dissing me, too old for school still, blah blah, but then one birthday it snaps and you look ahead instead of backwards, and realize you can have all -relate to youth & adults, figure out what'll make you happy, in my case move away from goddam deadsville...

But, yeah, back to spoken word.

So it was the first time I'd read my stuff.
I did 'freedom do you deserve...', 'permission', 'motives', 'meadows', and 'Freedom'. Some of those have been bumped down, but I didn't remove 'em, if you wanna read 'em, I think you can find them by subscribing to my blog [this refers to blog, where I first posted this].
And it was to beats as well, supplied by Telefauna. I was so damn nervous, I brought my digital recorder (used for comedy), and forgot to turn it on. But a guy video taped a poem or two, got his card, so hopefully I'll get a clip (and put it up here? -if its okay).

But it went well. People liked it, got compliments after, the host was real surprised I was first-timer, she said it looked like I just went up there and did my thing.
And the boys slowed down the beats, cause unlike the other performers, I'm no rapper. Also, again cause of nerves, I didn't look at them at all, just held my paper and tried to read roughly to the beat. So they did real well, cause I didn't cue them at all.

And I'm hooked. Damn it. No it's great, but... well, I spend like 2-3 nights a week at comedy shows already, then What's Cookin Mtl at Korova most Fridays, then uh, lotsa other quality time at Korova, Biftek, La Verre Bouteille, L'Esco, etc. haha.
When on earth am I gonna have time to get into the spoken word scene? Well, I guess I won't get 'in the scene' like comedy, but still keepin an ear to the ground takes effort -then again, that's the beauty of myspace, added the other performers as friends, and can check their pages for stages.

Ok, long post, thanks if you read it all.
Bottom line: fear not the big three-oh, and last night was an awesome party.


n.p: Joseph Arthur -Echo Park
The fire never understands the spark / the way it is with you & me
Freedom / Freedom / Our love won't fade away

Friday, December 15, 2006

bad hip-hop

yer a snake in tha grass
i'll shove my boot up
yer mothafukin ass

i wrote this note / in the hope / it was dope /
but now i know / it just blows

[like it sezs, this is bad; i just posted it cuz mutley likes the lyrics -what the hey]

thank u

i aint gonna lie, u made me cry
but now i washed you away too
u were brought to me to
crack me open like an oyster
& help me purge the shit from my soul

well ok its still there
but i can contain
its somewhere safe
u’r somewhere gone

i thank u

stupid game

as i entered u looked right at me,
yeah i mean u blondie
u looked good & long

so i raised my glass, slight smile
nodded hey
unimpressed, u looked away

happens all the time, but i don’t
know wtf its all about

but i met daniella later,
so fuk u

talkin to daniella, a brazilian girl

she told me the girls are dif here
(just her opinion but)
they dance like they show too much
like then they dont get respect

"see a woman should never be like that"
she said as a girl hung her head thru her knees
to vomit in the curb

she's right
we're broken
something broke a while ago
when we see that an' kinda go, oh geez ho-hum
(i dont just take her word, seen the dif in spain)

but she still loved the city
& the girl’s friends were helpin her out

then a couple guys knocked over a garbage bin
& kicked the crap in big sweeping scattering kicks
towards the girls eating their chow mein

Monday, December 11, 2006


all this restless
my bones are mine alone
& they feel so

if my heart is a vessel for love
why does my head just fuck it up

all at once so tired & awake
& all I feel indescribable feeling
except to want

...something... you....?

the problem with the world is

overthinking & underdreaming

we think big
then compromise compromise compromise
try to make it happen
then plan plan plan

oh sure you need a path
but blueprint's a box-in

we'd dream we'd ponder what we want
but too busy working to get a start

Friday, December 8, 2006

shards of winter

winter is shards
piercing our senses

cold burnt lung pink
glacial shelves, frozen turd clumps, & gravel that always
infests the crunch of yr boots
Xmas lights glare gullible retail cheer
thru the premature darkness
spectral trees huge hangdog bluesmen of the boreal
(they wave 'em like they just don't cay-re,
'til an icy bough breaks in yo' face!)
cars that are invisible 'til you find
yrself on the wrong end of their interrogating headlights
& faces thru the windshield weary & impatient
wondering who will make the first move

shuffle thru another urban tundra
howling broken & barren needles

a season designed to break yr heart
that slowly hardens a northern soul

Thursday, December 7, 2006


you were running laughing coming up fast
pinned me down ferocious love beast mama
rolling goosebump meadows
butterfly eyes
gazelle muscle
tiger fur
cresting, looming, open, ah

yr fingernails dug into my shoulders
my ear in yr jaw
my throat in yr claw
as blades of grass
tickled my ass

wind quickened our hard nipples
and i felt how fortunate
to be yr prey

Remembering the victims of Dec 6th, 1989.

I wrote this article yesterday for indyish.

You can read other things I've written here.

my problem is

confusing obsession with emotion

thinking too much then feelin it out
is obsession with openness just a way of hidin too
exagerate emotion to confuse?

dunno its how i've always been
i'm tryin to figure out this life
tryin to make some peace between my heart & my head & the outside whirld

impulsiveness is my drug
- love it or leave it
(they mostly leave)

3 shorts

purrfect evening

she was frisky & delicious
as i opened her whiskas

slowly & softly i started to deliver
then she up and jumped my trigger
who sez man's appetite is bigger?

love v. fear

i know, i know
hushhhhhhh (my breath yr breast)
its too early to know
too soon to insist
too young to dismiss
stay here lets enjoy our bliss


when you come home hungry
when you wake up hungry
when you dream hungry
when you everymoment hungry
you ain't hungry for food, dude!


Let's build a treehouse
name it after you & me
a paperpiratehat factory
chase butterflies and observe the bees
Just you & me and four skinned knees

I still got scars from the time I stole third,
slid headfirst, on a gravel diamond
Slid into the throw too, as it bounced off my cap
and down the rf line
I hopped up and crossed the plate
had just begun to celebrate
when my gf in the stands exclaimed
only then looked down felt the hobbling pain

Oh yes I was the Charlie Hustle of Parkwood Hills softball

written with fridge magnets, i think its not bad tho

d' mille

(the "s" magnets ran out)

[N.B.: The last of the spontaneous poems from Saturday (the rest are below). Yeah, I was running outta ideas.
Btw, these poems were inspired by the myspace blog of Joseph Arthur, a brilliant artist, visually, musically, and poetically.]

so close

oh yes i was tempted to give up
to follow formulas
to worship false idols
to play games

but can honestly say i never did

cuz formulas are for frauds
idols for the unquestioning
games make losers of us all

i can honestly say that every day
i chose to be my own man

independence / walk away

i've tried so hard so please you
and only fallen further behind from the stress
the lifetime of being told i'm smart
and knowing i'm even smarter than you can imagine
(oh yes i've got a big head should come as no surprise)
people telling me i've such potential
and all i think is they want me to follow their dreams

i cant
i wont

no i'm not ungrateful
how my father prayed at my bedside that i'd live
how my pain is my mother's

how i wish for them and for my brothers and others
but now i hafta wish for myself

cuz thirty-one is a pretty decent number
and yes death will catch me when i let go of my youthful bravado

but for now hold on
i must forge my own path now til infinity

enough bout death, my lover, let's

hold yr head kiss yr neck
you mine yes

this is good
don't fear child
run wild

yr stickysweetness tasteodouroverwhelms i love how
yr syrup drips down my chin like a caramilk
tiny morsels at a time slowwwwly creamy

um. yum. yes.

i'd say to death...

hey shoot that mofo
cause he's my homedog, y'all recall

and he'd do it
cuz he's that weak

but i wouldn't
i wouldn't turn death on woman or man unless they tried turning him on me

i'd rather distract him w garbagecan drivebys
and laff at what a sad sad dick death truly is
drunk on his own power but not over me


Do you need religion out of fear?
assurances of love you miss here
comfort that yr nomatterhow will serve some purpose

i've seen death cheated the bastarad he ain't hard
i'm a true dog he's just ridin shotgun w me at the wheel
fuck you death

you swung yr sickle over my hostipal bed so many times
and i always laffed goddamit laffed in yr face
you don't scare you can only come when i beckon when i stop kicking life in the nuts

why i don't need religion
if religion is largely comfort in death

but yes religion is love and love is my religion
most dayze anyways

(i meant to write death between yr & nomatterhow,
now i realize its more true like that - life death all nomatterhow, infinite)


Freedom Freedom Freedom

i have found you sweet naked angel
god i love life

yes, you are worthy of a capital F, Freedom
but am i worthy of you?
let it prove it to you every day

so insane how i nearly threw you away

please forgive me
let me be mine and give give give
Courage yessssss and Love


can i dance on yr head
can i be more than a friend
can i twist yr arm behind yr back
playful only honest
justa tease of hurt
cuz i could not hurt you tis true
but a wanna make you sqwirm
i wanna fuck yr mind like a worm
and slip into you like silk

what i'd do


over and over na doeverandoverandoeevr


i should alwys wirte this way
only way to be to flow free
i haven never felt this way this space
except in th infinite yr embrace

freedom do you deserve a capital f do you deserve our blood

What is freedom?
the freer we are the more we fear

What is freedom but another commodity
another indulgence in porndrinkdrugsmoneyrollingthedie

Free to follow our old routine
pour another day down the drain
whre's the change

what is this my life
what is a world
a playground?

So play around
you're free to fuck to drunk to run away full of fear
to look away from my eyes to only make contact when yrs are full of steel

And each street I know I walk a million times
Oh but I'm free
I am
I'm gonna gorge me a greasy one right now
why are my dreams confined to a tin foil box?

why shine blinking a newborn chivering at the fear of freedom's possibilites
never guessing myslf
i should move
freedom is truly a torch from flailing hands
a light a gift this life my love

a gift from those who couldn't be free
or were they most of all -giving ever so selflessly
freedom is courage

where is mine

Funny we re afraid

I decided to share myself w you
to share my nudity my inner whirld
Funny how we're so afraid of nudity
No not the kind we understyand
The kind that comes unexplained
except to say hello
The kind that only breaks the wall bonds the soul
what leaves nothing to be explained

I wrote this dierekt on my blog
no edit except spelling
this is life in real time
becuz its true I wanna be w you

[N.B.: This is the first of a series of poems that came forth and I wrote on my myspace blog spontaneously and unedited. Also, the most poems I'd written in years. Explanation if you think they blow.]