Last night [well, Sunday night] at the indyish Holla Days party, I performed my poetry in public, for I think the first time ever.
I mean, I may have read my stuff to large-ish (dozen?) people in bars before, spontaneously just on the floor (without a mic), back my crazier ballsier, but certainly less wise early 20s. As I think I've mentioned here before, I only started writing poems again the last few weeks after writing next to none the last, geez, 7 or 8 years.
Btw, its good being 31. Its like, the ballsiness is back, with more depth and intent. I was talking about this with a new friend last night, how people seem to round a corner around ages 26-28. They become calmer, carry themselves with more confidence. Its like you realize life is long after all and it doesn't have to be all NOW! and you decide what's really worth spending time on, and drop the fake "one of the boys/girls" shit. Not that I ever was so much, trust me (or ask my old friends), but still who doesn't follow at times?
Even Bowie did synth-pop, the Stones did disco, and the Beatles tried early heavy metal, fer cryin out loud (ok, though again, Beatles were at least at same time -ok, so they didn't really follow -no wait! they followed the Maharishi! And he hit on their women friends (why they left), the giggling little perv. So there, Beatles followed false paths too. But I digress... Beatles are still fargin' genius!)
I dunno, this could be the same old "18yr olds were just kids when I was 22; 22 yr olds know shit when I was 27", but I really don't think so. I really believe in the quarter-life crisis; I'm not the only one its happened to.
You feel low, really low at 26-27, like shit I'm too old for these little girls dissing me, too old for school still, blah blah, but then one birthday it snaps and you look ahead instead of backwards, and realize you can have all -relate to youth & adults, figure out what'll make you happy, in my case move away from goddam deadsville...
But, yeah, back to spoken word.
So it was the first time I'd read my stuff.
I did 'freedom do you deserve...', 'permission', 'motives', 'meadows', and 'Freedom'. Some of those have been bumped down, but I didn't remove 'em, if you wanna read 'em, I think you can find them by subscribing to my blog [this refers to myspace.com blog, where I first posted this].
And it was to beats as well, supplied by Telefauna. I was so damn nervous, I brought my digital recorder (used for comedy), and forgot to turn it on. But a guy video taped a poem or two, got his card, so hopefully I'll get a clip (and put it up here? -if its okay).
But it went well. People liked it, got compliments after, the host was real surprised I was first-timer, she said it looked like I just went up there and did my thing.
And the boys slowed down the beats, cause unlike the other performers, I'm no rapper. Also, again cause of nerves, I didn't look at them at all, just held my paper and tried to read roughly to the beat. So they did real well, cause I didn't cue them at all.
And I'm hooked. Damn it. No it's great, but... well, I spend like 2-3 nights a week at comedy shows already, then What's Cookin Mtl at Korova most Fridays, then uh, lotsa other quality time at Korova, Biftek, La Verre Bouteille, L'Esco, etc. haha.
When on earth am I gonna have time to get into the spoken word scene? Well, I guess I won't get 'in the scene' like comedy, but still keepin an ear to the ground takes effort -then again, that's the beauty of myspace, added the other performers as friends, and can check their pages for stages.
Ok, long post, thanks if you read it all.
Bottom line: fear not the big three-oh, and last night was an awesome party.
n.p: Joseph Arthur -Echo Park
The fire never understands the spark / the way it is with you & me
Freedom / Freedom / Our love won't fade away