Tuesday, January 23, 2007
ok, nothing new in that but he really wuz weird.
he said he never asked gurls for their numbers. if they wanted to see him after talking to him a bit, he said he figured they'd ask. if he actually saw a gurl, he wouldn't ask to do something as a follow-up; same logic.
obviously he didn't see many gurls.
he told me this the first time we went for a beer too. well at least he was comfortable w who he wuz even if he wuz a freak.
he also told me once how he pretended to be gay to make some extra coin. no really. those clinical surveys at the back of freebie papers; he did those. apparently they pay real good for gays, cuz i guess there are less and they're more 'exotic' to study. anyway, i asked if he did the drug ones. no, he couldn't fake ever doing coke.
but apparently he could fake gay. interesting.
i know, you think he wuz gay. but here's what's weird - he had a gurl eventually.
'isn't she gorgeous?' he'd say as his eyes rolled in his head. truth is she was pretty ugly.
i was like, 'yeah, you're a lucky sonovagun, you!' cuz i really wuz happy for him.
i mean, she wuz still better looking than him, so he couldn't do better. he wuz lucky at all even.
he wuz also a smiths fan, but unlike most smiths fans, he wasn't boring in a pretentious arty way, he wuz just regular boring.
he wore golf shirts, sweat shirts, glasses, khakis, fatman jeans, he looked kinda preppy, except also middle aged cuz he wuz fat and pasty and acted all disheartened about everything except his 'gorgeous' girl.
he mighta been after the inheritance, come to think of it. apparently she had a house in orleans [upper middle class 'burb of ottawa, ontario] to herself and her sister cuz her folks moved away for a long time or were dead or something. maybe he had his eye on the kid sis, the sickie.
there's another weird thing about him, but it'll seem like a letdown after the other stuff. he considered himself a film buff. you know those guys who have 200 movies but they're all crap? he wuz worse then that, they were all crap -taped off city tv [a station notorious for crappy late-night movies]. no shit, i saw the blip of commercial break intro. i mean blip cause he had enough time on his hands to edit them out. i don't think he'd ever seen a black & white classic.
and his room smelled bad, and he had a weird skin rash that he slathered on smelly cream for, and he used to work as an airtraffic controler before he went back to school. other weird stuff i can't remember now. oh yeah, my alchy roommate almost kicked his ass once.
my alchy roommate, that's another fuckin story. ho boy.
maybe i'm writing all this to feel better about myself. maybe i just look sad. maybe my roommate right now is wondering why the fuck i'm still awake. none of yer business, ya bastard.
but man, the guy really wuz a freak.
love like a child
we luv it all so young so new
sunshine, insects, parents, life
so simple but it occured to me
when my niece gave me a finger painting
cuz she luvs her uncle dave
only question our instincts when
our hormones start to plug in
sex is confusion
all is fear and doubletalk when it enters the game
i try to recapture the novelty of life
to fuse sex & luv
in a moment
that's the butterfly we chase
thru early adulthood
maybe the rest of our lives
when u know what u want
that's living each day w/out fear
& when u find it
that's the ultimate power
Thunderheist, Saturday night: it went OFF!!!
Club Lambi, capacity 200, is a tossing jam-packed dance club from 11:30 til close (and turning away people by 12:15 -that's early in Mtl).
I'm down front in the fiery corporeal mélange of guy & gurl gay & straight multihued hotties shaking their sweating bodies, writhing like they're trying to slip outta their skins (and into someone else's). My Gay Husband is laying down some awesome beats, and my shirt is already plastered to my shoulders, pecs and ribs. The girl beside me is cookin' her light olive skin in her own juices, too. I can see droplets of her wetness shining like diamonds in the ringlets of her black hair. Her white cocktail dress is clinging from her buttermilk breasts to that undefined flesh between lower ass & upper thigh (where the roundness of buttcheek becomes a tapered narrowing straightaway down to the back of a trembling knee). She flings her Mediterranean mane and thick curls of night and a waterfall mist splash into my open mouth and run down my chin. Her dark chocolate eyes catch me licking her saltwater from my pouty lower lip.
Then Thunderheist (club beats hip-hop xplosion) hit it!
Plus the Peer Pressure afterparty...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
"we have a good family"
my grandfather mumbled groggily to my
aunt as she said g'bye a few mos ago
on her way back out to Vancity
"I thought it was the last time I'd see him alive"
she said at Christmas
so did i
but he's beatin cancer
he's beatin chemo
no side effects
he's eighty-six yrs old
i was gonna write something dumb like
'i hope i have half his balls when i'm half his age'
but i stop wonder do i have any at all
beside his still-immense shoulders broad chest huge heart
and under the dark shadow history threw across his years
i shouldn't be surprised he's winning again
he's jewish and he beat the nazis
i remember i once said firebombing hamburg sucked
he said not enough germans were killed in the war
and my german grandfather laughed ohohoho
he beat the nazis too
blew the bastards up after '22
but was smart enough to know when to get outta dodge
i pretend my life's a bit rough
i can't even fathom theirs
I love you Deda
I love you Granddad
My family is love
Monday, January 1, 2007
i spend my days kickin cars tyres
going here & there over hell’s half acre
tryin 'most anything out
(booze being my drug of choice; hetero being my sex by nature)
success is found by experimenting w failure
life’s not somethin you learn in a book
its out in the world & in under yer skin
its inside you, you inside it
feel it breath ingest pulse sweat move let it in
i wander thru alleys cause its another diversion
sometimes just cause i need to take a piss
i look up like i never seen a sky before
and if you do too you know clouds are different every time
then i wonder where that black bird will land
and hope i make it that far too
u spend hrs craftin brunin the midnite lamp
not braggin not romancin it just is the way
and so u work it work it work it babe
gimme gimme gimme fall flat on yer ass pick it up again
(u remember this blog back when "i screwed the pooch.... he is gonna get put back together again, better than ever"?)
even when i suk i believe man
an then u connect, it flows it feels goooood and relax
and they explode their mouths open eating up yer words
fukin right, Mick said it best it really is like a communal cum
laughter is so good fer the soul
i'm glad to give it
an i'm hooked on the drug, i cant quit anytime soon
dont know when ever will
tomorrow i got a hot date lined up
renewing my brit passport (cuz i gotta get back to spain already)
& i'm sending my poems to maisonneuve mag
(sat dumas concert, sun new years bro!)
it just keeps goin up from here baby up up up
even when i fall again i ll keep movin up
an if yer smart you'll cum by an catch part o the ride
that's it i'm finally gonna tryto sleeep
should i lissen to dumas or joseph nxt?
arthur it is
i gots nothin to do tomororow
so nothin its like noooo-thang
nothin to do but be alive
smile share laugh eat drink
keep each other warm yeah
a sure bet is my hands gettin cold out there
it finally feels like winter its finally white
i still don know if i can get my head around christ
like, god comin down in man form flesh n bone
its nice but i dunno, his only son flesh n bone
thats quite hard man
hard like love
thats why i guess its not meant to be easy
its hard like death n love n sex the way it should be
life aint easy why should god be right?
i dunno tho still cant believe it quite
but joseph makesme wanna believe
yes i do i wanna
i wanna be one i wanna be love
peace out world
i'll never stop non
i aint gonna stop demanding
i'm a demandng little fuk i want all the answers now
and tomorrow i'll have another head full of
questions to bounce off yer skull
cause to stop questioning is to be complacent
and to be complacent is to be dead
and i'm far from dead oh i'm very much alive babe
i never had a sister could that be why
lovers and friends but none of em felt that way
lovers often felt like a b-ball court
did she foul me or did i draw a charge?
(no refs but ourselfs)
pass you selfish fuker pass the ball
and sometimes they were i swear they
were on the opposing team
i see the appeal of drugs they dont let you down til yer too numb too know they fuked you anyway
some lovers r like that too actually
some friends almost too
but that makes me wnna get to the bottom more
an after all its just another shovel of dirt
a step into the grave
well ok but i aint takin it sittin down
questions man i need answers
cause questioning is tryin
tryin is faith
its the people w all the answers that don't have
faith yeah thats right theyre cynics
thats one thing i do know
acting all big shot sneer they got us pegged
while a few of us poke around tryin not to be half-dead
the rest i aint figured out
maybe never will but why else would god make me a little
prob never find answers here to love life n death
but i'm tryin man i'm still askin
in the meantime d'ya wanna be my sister?
[the last line sux, but what the heck]