Tuesday, January 23, 2007

i had a weird roommate...

[that's flatmate for those in the uk]

ok, nothing new in that but he really wuz weird.

he said he never asked gurls for their numbers. if they wanted to see him after talking to him a bit, he said he figured they'd ask. if he actually saw a gurl, he wouldn't ask to do something as a follow-up; same logic.
obviously he didn't see many gurls.

he told me this the first time we went for a beer too. well at least he was comfortable w who he wuz even if he wuz a freak.

he also told me once how he pretended to be gay to make some extra coin. no really. those clinical surveys at the back of freebie papers; he did those. apparently they pay real good for gays, cuz i guess there are less and they're more 'exotic' to study. anyway, i asked if he did the drug ones. no, he couldn't fake ever doing coke.
but apparently he could fake gay. interesting.

i know, you think he wuz gay. but here's what's weird - he had a gurl eventually.
'isn't she gorgeous?' he'd say as his eyes rolled in his head. truth is she was pretty ugly.
i was like, 'yeah, you're a lucky sonovagun, you!' cuz i really wuz happy for him.
i mean, she wuz still better looking than him, so he couldn't do better. he wuz lucky at all even.

he wuz also a smiths fan, but unlike most smiths fans, he wasn't boring in a pretentious arty way, he wuz just regular boring.
he wore golf shirts, sweat shirts, glasses, khakis, fatman jeans, he looked kinda preppy, except also middle aged cuz he wuz fat and pasty and acted all disheartened about everything except his 'gorgeous' girl.
he mighta been after the inheritance, come to think of it. apparently she had a house in orleans [upper middle class 'burb of ottawa, ontario] to herself and her sister cuz her folks moved away for a long time or were dead or something. maybe he had his eye on the kid sis, the sickie.

there's another weird thing about him, but it'll seem like a letdown after the other stuff. he considered himself a film buff. you know those guys who have 200 movies but they're all crap? he wuz worse then that, they were all crap -taped off city tv [a station notorious for crappy late-night movies]. no shit, i saw the blip of commercial break intro. i mean blip cause he had enough time on his hands to edit them out. i don't think he'd ever seen a black & white classic.

and his room smelled bad, and he had a weird skin rash that he slathered on smelly cream for, and he used to work as an airtraffic controler before he went back to school. other weird stuff i can't remember now. oh yeah, my alchy roommate almost kicked his ass once.

my alchy roommate, that's another fuckin story. ho boy.

maybe i'm writing all this to feel better about myself. maybe i just look sad. maybe my roommate right now is wondering why the fuck i'm still awake. none of yer business, ya bastard.
but man, the guy really wuz a freak.


Anonymous said...

yet you lived with him........ did you know you were known as that guy who lives with a freak?

Dave said...

Ahahaha good point!

Well, I wasn't seen outta the house with him too often. I'm a pretty weird dude myself (hell, I'm up at 4am), but not so weird as some of the guys I've lived with. I sent this 'story' to an old friend of mine back home, he wrote back, 'how could you have weird roommate story and not have it be about Ron?' -Because Ron was the 'psycho roommate'; Hans was the 'alcoholic roommate' (I mean that in the literal sense); Alec (the guy described above) was merely the 'coulda sworn he was asexual roommate'. Gotta work my way up to the ones I truly couldn't live with -one day their tales too shall be told.

*Sigh* do I miss my student years? I'm tempted to say I miss the easy availability of girls, but I live in Montreal now and have about ten times more confidence... so no, nope I really don't miss a thing.