Remembering the victims of Dec 6th, 1989.

I wrote this article yesterday for indyish.

You can read other things I've written here.

my problem is

confusing obsession with emotion

thinking too much then feelin it out
is obsession with openness just a way of hidin too
exagerate emotion to confuse?

dunno its how i've always been
i'm tryin to figure out this life
tryin to make some peace between my heart & my head & the outside whirld

impulsiveness is my drug
- love it or leave it
(they mostly leave)

3 shorts

purrfect evening

she was frisky & delicious
as i opened her whiskas

slowly & softly i started to deliver
then she up and jumped my trigger
who sez man's appetite is bigger?

love v. fear

i know, i know
hushhhhhhh (my breath yr breast)
its too early to know
too soon to insist
too young to dismiss
stay here lets enjoy our bliss

craving

when you come home hungry
when you wake up hungry
when you dream hungry
when you everymoment hungry
you ain't hungry for food, dude!

stardom

Let's build a treehouse
name it after you & me
a paperpiratehat factory
chase butterflies and observe the bees
Just you & me and four skinned knees

I still got scars from the time I stole third,
slid headfirst, on a gravel diamond
Slid into the throw too, as it bounced off my cap
and down the rf line
I hopped up and crossed the plate
had just begun to celebrate
when my gf in the stands exclaimed
only then looked down felt the hobbling pain

Oh yes I was the Charlie Hustle of Parkwood Hills softball

written with fridge magnets, i think its not bad tho

enlace
ton
monde
d' mille
aventure

(the "s" magnets ran out)

[N.B.: The last of the spontaneous poems from Saturday (the rest are below). Yeah, I was running outta ideas.
Btw, these poems were inspired by the myspace blog of Joseph Arthur, a brilliant artist, visually, musically, and poetically.]

so close

oh yes i was tempted to give up
to follow formulas
to worship false idols
to play games

but can honestly say i never did

cuz formulas are for frauds
idols for the unquestioning
games make losers of us all

i can honestly say that every day
i chose to be my own man

independence / walk away

i've tried so hard so please you
and only fallen further behind from the stress
the lifetime of being told i'm smart
and knowing i'm even smarter than you can imagine
(oh yes i've got a big head should come as no surprise)
people telling me i've such potential
and all i think is they want me to follow their dreams

i cant
i wont

no i'm not ungrateful
how my father prayed at my bedside that i'd live
how my pain is my mother's

how i wish for them and for my brothers and others
but now i hafta wish for myself

cuz thirty-one is a pretty decent number
and yes death will catch me when i let go of my youthful bravado

but for now hold on
i must forge my own path now til infinity

enough bout death, my lover, let's

hold yr head kiss yr neck
you mine yes

this is good
don't fear child
run wild

yr stickysweetness tasteodouroverwhelms i love how
yr syrup drips down my chin like a caramilk
tiny morsels at a time slowwwwly creamy

um. yum. yes.

i'd say to death...

hey shoot that mofo
cause he's my homedog, y'all recall

and he'd do it
cuz he's that weak

but i wouldn't
i wouldn't turn death on woman or man unless they tried turning him on me

i'd rather distract him w garbagecan drivebys
and laff at what a sad sad dick death truly is
drunk on his own power but not over me

motives

Do you need religion out of fear?
assurances of love you miss here
comfort that yr nomatterhow will serve some purpose

i've seen death cheated the bastarad he ain't hard
i'm a true dog he's just ridin shotgun w me at the wheel
fuck you death

you swung yr sickle over my hostipal bed so many times
and i always laffed goddamit laffed in yr face
you don't scare you can only come when i beckon when i stop kicking life in the nuts

why i don't need religion
if religion is largely comfort in death

but yes religion is love and love is my religion
most dayze anyways

(i meant to write death between yr & nomatterhow,
now i realize its more true like that - life death all nomatterhow, infinite)

Freedom

Freedom Freedom Freedom

i have found you sweet naked angel
god i love life

yes, you are worthy of a capital F, Freedom
but am i worthy of you?
let it prove it to you every day

so insane how i nearly threw you away

please forgive me
let me be mine and give give give
Courage yessssss and Love

permission

can i dance on yr head
can i be more than a friend
can i twist yr arm behind yr back
playful only honest
justa tease of hurt
cuz i could not hurt you tis true
but a wanna make you sqwirm
i wanna fuck yr mind like a worm
and slip into you like silk

what i'd do

You

over and over na doeverandoverandoeevr
yyesssssssssssssssssss

.....

i should alwys wirte this way
only way to be to flow free
i haven never felt this way this space
except in th infinite yr embrace

freedom do you deserve a capital f do you deserve our blood

What is freedom?
the freer we are the more we fear

What is freedom but another commodity
another indulgence in porndrinkdrugsmoneyrollingthedie
actingtoughhardtogetdontcallmeimfreetoignorethegiftoflove

Free to follow our old routine
pour another day down the drain
whre's the change

what is this my life
what is a world
a playground?

So play around
you're free to fuck to drunk to run away full of fear
to look away from my eyes to only make contact when yrs are full of steel

And each street I know I walk a million times
Oh but I'm free
I am
I'm gonna gorge me a greasy one right now
why are my dreams confined to a tin foil box?

why shine blinking a newborn chivering at the fear of freedom's possibilites
never guessing myslf
i should move
freedom is truly a torch from flailing hands
a light a gift this life my love

a gift from those who couldn't be free
or were they most of all -giving ever so selflessly
freedom is courage

where is mine

Funny we re afraid

I decided to share myself w you
to share my nudity my inner whirld
Funny how we're so afraid of nudity
No not the kind we understyand
-sexmoneyfamecelebritymotives
The kind that comes unexplained
except to say hello
The kind that only breaks the wall bonds the soul
what leaves nothing to be explained

I wrote this dierekt on my blog
no edit except spelling
this is life in real time
becuz its true I wanna be w you

[N.B.: This is the first of a series of poems that came forth and I wrote on my myspace blog spontaneously and unedited. Also, the most poems I'd written in years. Explanation if you think they blow.]