love like a child

love like a child
so pure
we luv it all so young so new
sunshine, insects, parents, life

so simple but it occured to me
when my niece gave me a finger painting
cuz she luvs her uncle dave

only question our instincts when
our hormones start to plug in

sex is confusion
all is fear and doubletalk when it enters the game

i try to recapture the novelty of life
to fuse sex & luv
in a moment
of magik

that's the butterfly we chase
thru early adulthood
maybe the rest of our lives

when u know what u want
w/out confusion
that's living each day w/out fear

& when u find it
that's the ultimate power

my family rocks cause we love each other

"we have a good family"
my grandfather mumbled groggily to my
aunt as she said g'bye a few mos ago
on her way back out to Vancity

"I thought it was the last time I'd see him alive"
she said at Christmas
so did i

but he's beatin cancer
he's beatin chemo
no side effects
no codeine

unbelievable

he's eighty-six yrs old

i was gonna write something dumb like
'i hope i have half his balls when i'm half his age'
but i stop wonder do i have any at all
beside his still-immense shoulders broad chest huge heart
and under the dark shadow history threw across his years

i shouldn't be surprised he's winning again
he's jewish and he beat the nazis

i remember i once said firebombing hamburg sucked
he said not enough germans were killed in the war

and my german grandfather laughed ohohoho
he beat the nazis too
blew the bastards up after '22
but was smart enough to know when to get outta dodge

unbelievable

i pretend my life's a bit rough
i can't even fathom theirs

I love you Deda
I love you Granddad
My family is love

kickin tyres

i spend my days kickin cars tyres
going here & there over hell’s half acre
tryin 'most anything out
(booze being my drug of choice; hetero being my sex by nature)
success is found by experimenting w failure

life’s not somethin you learn in a book
its out in the world & in under yer skin
its inside you, you inside it
feel it breath ingest pulse sweat move let it in

i wander thru alleys cause its another diversion
sometimes just cause i need to take a piss
i look up like i never seen a sky before
and if you do too you know clouds are different every time

then i wonder where that black bird will land
and hope i make it that far too

it wuz a good night

whutta rush when u do it rite when it up cums together
u spend hrs craftin brunin the midnite lamp
u do
not braggin not romancin it just is the way

and so u work it work it work it babe
gimme gimme gimme fall flat on yer ass pick it up again

(u remember this blog back when "i screwed the pooch.... he is gonna get put back together again, better than ever"?)
even when i suk i believe man

an then u connect, it flows it feels goooood and relax
and they explode their mouths open eating up yer words
fukin right, Mick said it best it really is like a communal cum
laughter is so good fer the soul
i'm glad to give it
an i'm hooked on the drug, i cant quit anytime soon
dont know when ever will

tomorrow i got a hot date lined up
renewing my brit passport (cuz i gotta get back to spain already)
& i'm sending my poems to maisonneuve mag
(sat dumas concert, sun new years bro!)

it just keeps goin up from here baby up up up
even when i fall again i ll keep movin up
an if yer smart you'll cum by an catch part o the ride

that's it i'm finally gonna tryto sleeep

cant sleeeep

arrrgh cant sleeep man cant
should i lissen to dumas or joseph nxt?
arthur it is

i gots nothin to do tomororow
so nothin its like noooo-thang

nothin to do but be alive
smile share laugh eat drink
keep each other warm yeah

a sure bet is my hands gettin cold out there
it finally feels like winter its finally white

i still don know if i can get my head around christ
like, god comin down in man form flesh n bone
its nice but i dunno, his only son flesh n bone

thats quite hard man
hard like love
thats why i guess its not meant to be easy
its hard like death n love n sex the way it should be

life aint easy why should god be right?

i dunno tho still cant believe it quite

but joseph makesme wanna believe
yes i do i wanna
i wanna be one i wanna be love

peace out world

i cant wont aint gonna stop

i aint gonna stop demanding
i'm a demandng little fuk i want all the answers now
and tomorrow i'll have another head full of
questions to bounce off yer skull

i'll never stop non
cause to stop questioning is to be complacent
and to be complacent is to be dead
and i'm far from dead oh i'm very much alive babe

i never had a sister could that be why
lovers and friends but none of em felt that way
lovers often felt like a b-ball court
did she foul me or did i draw a charge?
(no refs but ourselfs)
pass you selfish fuker pass the ball
and sometimes they were i swear they
were on the opposing team

i see the appeal of drugs they dont let you down til yer too numb too know they fuked you anyway
some lovers r like that too actually

some friends almost too

but that makes me wnna get to the bottom more
an after all its just another shovel of dirt
a step into the grave
well ok but i aint takin it sittin down

questions man i need answers

questions

cause questioning is tryin
tryin is faith
its the people w all the answers that don't have
faith yeah thats right theyre cynics
thats one thing i do know
acting all big shot sneer they got us pegged
while a few of us poke around tryin not to be half-dead

the rest i aint figured out
maybe never will but why else would god make me a little
obnoxious dick
prob never find answers here to love life n death

but i'm tryin man i'm still askin
in the meantime d'ya wanna be my sister?

[the last line sux, but what the heck]

thank u

i aint gonna lie, u made me cry
but now i washed you away too
u were brought to me to
crack me open like an oyster
& help me purge the shit from my soul

well ok its still there
but i can contain
its somewhere safe
u’r somewhere gone

i thank u

stupid game

as i entered u looked right at me,
yeah i mean u blondie
u looked good & long

so i raised my glass, slight smile
nodded hey
unimpressed, u looked away

happens all the time, but i don’t
know wtf its all about

but i met daniella later,
so fuk u

talkin to daniella, a brazilian girl

she told me the girls are dif here
(just her opinion but)
they dance like they show too much
like then they dont get respect

"see a woman should never be like that"
she said as a girl hung her head thru her knees
to vomit in the curb

she's right
we're broken
something broke a while ago
when we see that an' kinda go, oh geez ho-hum
(i dont just take her word, seen the dif in spain)

but she still loved the city
& the girl’s friends were helpin her out

then a couple guys knocked over a garbage bin
& kicked the crap in big sweeping scattering kicks
towards the girls eating their chow mein

ache

all this restless
my bones are mine alone
& they feel so

if my heart is a vessel for love
why does my head just fuck it up

all at once so tired & awake
& all I feel indescribable feeling
except to want

...something...
....do you....?

the problem with the world is

overthinking & underdreaming

we think big
then compromise compromise compromise
try to make it happen
then plan plan plan

oh sure you need a path
but blueprint's a box-in

we'd dream we'd ponder what we want
but too busy working to get a start

shards of winter

winter is shards
piercing our senses

cold burnt lung pink
glacial shelves, frozen turd clumps, & gravel that always
infests the crunch of yr boots
Xmas lights glare gullible retail cheer
thru the premature darkness
spectral trees huge hangdog bluesmen of the boreal
(they wave 'em like they just don't cay-re,
'til an icy bough breaks in yo' face!)
cars that are invisible 'til you find
yrself on the wrong end of their interrogating headlights
& faces thru the windshield weary & impatient
wondering who will make the first move

shuffle thru another urban tundra
howling broken & barren needles

a season designed to break yr heart
that slowly hardens a northern soul

meadows

you were running laughing coming up fast
pinned me down ferocious love beast mama
rolling goosebump meadows
butterfly eyes
gazelle muscle
tiger fur
cresting, looming, open, ah

yr fingernails dug into my shoulders
my ear in yr jaw
my throat in yr claw
as blades of grass
tickled my ass

wind quickened our hard nipples
and i felt how fortunate
to be yr prey

my problem is

confusing obsession with emotion

thinking too much then feelin it out
is obsession with openness just a way of hidin too
exagerate emotion to confuse?

dunno its how i've always been
i'm tryin to figure out this life
tryin to make some peace between my heart & my head & the outside whirld

impulsiveness is my drug
- love it or leave it
(they mostly leave)

3 shorts

purrfect evening

she was frisky & delicious
as i opened her whiskas

slowly & softly i started to deliver
then she up and jumped my trigger
who sez man's appetite is bigger?

love v. fear

i know, i know
hushhhhhhh (my breath yr breast)
its too early to know
too soon to insist
too young to dismiss
stay here lets enjoy our bliss

craving

when you come home hungry
when you wake up hungry
when you dream hungry
when you everymoment hungry
you ain't hungry for food, dude!

stardom

Let's build a treehouse
name it after you & me
a paperpiratehat factory
chase butterflies and observe the bees
Just you & me and four skinned knees

I still got scars from the time I stole third,
slid headfirst, on a gravel diamond
Slid into the throw too, as it bounced off my cap
and down the rf line
I hopped up and crossed the plate
had just begun to celebrate
when my gf in the stands exclaimed
only then looked down felt the hobbling pain

Oh yes I was the Charlie Hustle of Parkwood Hills softball

written with fridge magnets, i think its not bad tho

enlace
ton
monde
d' mille
aventure

(the "s" magnets ran out)

[N.B.: The last of the spontaneous poems from Saturday (the rest are below). Yeah, I was running outta ideas.
Btw, these poems were inspired by the myspace blog of Joseph Arthur, a brilliant artist, visually, musically, and poetically.]

so close

oh yes i was tempted to give up
to follow formulas
to worship false idols
to play games

but can honestly say i never did

cuz formulas are for frauds
idols for the unquestioning
games make losers of us all

i can honestly say that every day
i chose to be my own man

independence / walk away

i've tried so hard so please you
and only fallen further behind from the stress
the lifetime of being told i'm smart
and knowing i'm even smarter than you can imagine
(oh yes i've got a big head should come as no surprise)
people telling me i've such potential
and all i think is they want me to follow their dreams

i cant
i wont

no i'm not ungrateful
how my father prayed at my bedside that i'd live
how my pain is my mother's

how i wish for them and for my brothers and others
but now i hafta wish for myself

cuz thirty-one is a pretty decent number
and yes death will catch me when i let go of my youthful bravado

but for now hold on
i must forge my own path now til infinity

enough bout death, my lover, let's

hold yr head kiss yr neck
you mine yes

this is good
don't fear child
run wild

yr stickysweetness tasteodouroverwhelms i love how
yr syrup drips down my chin like a caramilk
tiny morsels at a time slowwwwly creamy

um. yum. yes.